In case you were wondering,
This is what it’s like:

In every stillness I crumble
There are no rushing thoughts
Red does not color my vision
There is simply emptiness
A void where there should be an answer

In the total focus of action, I find relief
So I swell my life with activity
I try to make things tumble in such a way
That if I survive this
I will step out into a better world
One I would want to live in

I do all the right things
I sacrifice and bear any pain
It does not faze me
When pleasure looses its depth, pain follows suit
Neither are more than skin-deep chemical rush

What I do feel is occasional relief
In the place where these two meet
Where my blood pounds
The cold air grips my lungs
And my muscles burn

Engine running off fumes
My moments of moving peace

So the only pain I fear is that which warns me that I might break
And not be able to move in such a way
That I can escape

Do you really want to know what it’s like?
I lay on the cold kitchen floor
My eyes are open and clear

Sometimes,
The only thing we can do is wait.